Confident Style – Your Way Every Day

Posts tagged ‘self care’

What Self Care Looks Like for Me

What self care looks like for me



Self Care is a concept that has been around for a while and will be different for each individual. It has taken some time to grasp what it means for me. It is not about anybody else but is entirely self focussed and involves:-
– Accepting who you are.
– Believing in yourself.
– Caring about yourself.

My approach to self care focusses on both internal and external processes and activities.  It is  all about how I am being each day and realising how my thoughts and expectations may be  influencing and affecting my actions and reactions.

This is the what and how my internal self care process over the last year:-

  • Being a friend to myself – a friend is kind, accepting, supportive, encouraging, helpful and uplighting.
  • Finding ways to quieten and shut down my inner critic monster who wants to put me down, tell me I am not good enough or you can’t do that and  compare me with others. Did you know that the person you hear from or talk to most each day is yourself? No matter how much other people mention your positive attributes you still tend to believe that inner critic monster who just wants to derail you with irrational thoughts.
  • Creating a new habit – A year ago I planted a great big red STOP SIGN inside my head in an attempt to derail my negative thoughts and messages. Every time that voice tried to interfere my STOP SIGN would pop up and push it aside. Over time this has worked for me and I have been quite surprised at how much power I was giving away to something that only existed inside my head. However on days when I am feeling tired or overwhelmed that inner critic tries to rear it’s ugly head.
  • There is no such thing as perfection. I think that perfection is great friends with our inner critic and wants us to feel we are never good enough because  we don’t look a certain way, have a big house, an expensive car or travel the world. Once again comparison becomes the enemy and places us in a negative space if we let it.
  • Looking for the magic moments in my day.
  • Checking in with myself regularly to recognise how my thoughts and actions are helping or hindering my day and reframing if I  need to.
  • Gifting myself and others with a compliment each day.

My external self care process involves doing activities that I enjoy and make me feel whole. These activitie include:-

  • being in my garden
  • reading each night before sleeping
  • taking the time for a long soak in the bath with lots of bubbles (maybe once a month)
  • doing a creative activity such as collaging, knitting, sewing, gardening
  • catching up with friends
  • going on a date with my husband
  • pilates class once a week and home program three times a week

All these activities involve people or involve creating and keep my tank full. These activities need to be scheduled into my monthly diary.

For me it is about looking out for myself and valuing me as a person

To contribute to anyone else’s life you need to feel good about your self. This let’s you give more in a positive way without draining your own energy.

What is your version of self care?


Lessons from the Last Decade

Ten Lessons from the Last Decade



June is my birthday month and I have celebrated turning 60 and feel very privileged to be moving into the next decade of my life. It has been a great adventure and time of reflection for me. I realise that the last ten years have involved much change for me both personally and professionally. Moving into the next decade of my life has prompted me to look back at what :-

  • has changed for me
  • is different for me and
  • what lessons I have learnt.

These are my ten life lessons from the last decade:-

LESSON 1 –  Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Just over ten years ago I stepped out of my comfort zone and resigned from a much loved 26 year teaching career. I had no idea what I was going to do next and while this felt right for me it certainly was scary. There was much self doubt about what I could and would do next. I tried very hard to let myself believe that something would come up and let myself be open to the thought of new and different opportunites.

What happened next was a complete surprise. I applied for a job as a Kitchen Designer and thought I had nothing to lose, at the very least I might get some interview practice. Well I walked out of the interview in a state of shock and fear – I got the job and believed I had no skills in this area. Many sleepless nights followed because of my self doubts and feelings of not being good enough. Yes it certainly was a steep learning curve and challenging for me but I came to realise that my teaching career had given me many skills that I had not realised were transferable to different situations. Doubting your own capabilities only limits your possibilities.

Career wise I was not finished stepping out of my comfort zone. I also decided to undertake study in Personal Styling and Image Consultancy which led me to make the terrifying decision to start my own business. This has been the most terrifying, challenging and wonderful experience. and I am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and let myself be open to new challenges.

 LESSON 2 – Permission to Say No Without Guilt

I use to chase my tail most of the time with an overcrowded work, social and family commitments. I couldn’t say no and was always juggling my calendar to fit everything in. I think I didn’t want to miss out on anything and thought that if I said no I wouldn’t be asked again. Yes, I realise now not saying no had a lot to do with my own self worth. This approach left very little time for me to think about myself, perhaps I was just trying to avoid this.

Now that has changed. I realised that I was not super human (oh no) and running myself into the ground. This was not a very healthy and productive way to live. I can now say no without guilt and I am stronger in both mind and body because of this. My schedule now allows for ‘me’ time.

LESSON 3 – Accept and Believe in Yourself

I was not always a friend to myself. My self doubts were crippling me. I always thought I had a positive approach to life but neglected to realise that my internal voice was always one of self doubt and saboutage. No matter how positive I was on the outside my inner self was always doubting and beating me up. Developing a sense of self worth and  self acceptance started to happen after I did my Personal Styling and Image Consultancy training. I now was working from an inside out approach and truly looking at who I really was. I could never have imagined the imapct of this. Over the last five years I have developed a much stronger internal platform to face what life throws at me because I value, accept and believe in myself. I really like the person that I am.

LESSON 4 – You Can’t be Everything to Everyone

What a lesson this was. I have always been someone who wanted to be there for others but the problem was I wanted to be able to fix everything for them. That is not possible. You can be there to support, help and guide others but you cannot fix their problems.

LESSON 5 – I Know My WHY

Why do we do the things we do? This is a big question that is not easy to answer while we are busy living day to day. When I was starting my Individually You I was asked the question ‘What is Your Why,’ I didn’t have an answer. It took much reflection, time and energy for me to realise that my WHY was to make a difference. I want to make a difference every day to myself and everyone that I meet. I want to give people a reson to smile  feel good about themselves. Realising this has had a positive impact on my internal thoughts and external behaviours in my personal and professional life. It kept me accountable to being true to the person I wanted to be. Thank you Shar Moore  for asking me this question.

LESSON 6 – Connecting with Others is Important for Me

Working from home made me realise how much I enjoyed and needed to be with people. When I first started to work from home it took me a while to realise that my energy levels, productivity and feelings of motivation were decreasing when I wasn’t interacting with others. I enjoy and need to be around others to feel balanced so now make time and plan for this.

LESSON 7 – My Emotions and Thoughts and Actions have a Strong Impact on My Overall Wellbeing

Why did it take me soooo long to realise this? To be physically and emotionally strong relates very much to my own sense of self belief, self acceptance and self care. When I carried around and supported my negative emotions and thoughts I created so much unneeded tension within my body. This created physical pain and illness. Now that my internal thoughts and feelings are stronger I am not as reactive and approach most days in a positive frame of mind. I am not sweating the little stuff.

LESSON 8 – Just Do It Now

Procrastination is an energy drain. Quite often I would delay doing some tasks. These were usually small tasks that really wouldn’t take long to do or tasks that I didn’t like doing. These tasks would pile up and annoy me. Sometimes it was simply moving something from one area of the house to where it actually belonged or filling out a form – (don’t like paperwork).

I made a conscious decision to adopt a DO IT NOW approach towards these tasks. When I would see something that was annoying me such as the folded washing still sitting on the lounge or the hand basin needing a clean a voice in my head now yells JUST DO IT NOW and you will feel better. This has worked for me. I also try to start my work day doing a task that I don’t like so at least I feel good about making progress instead of feeling guilty and having this task hanging over my head.

LESSON 9 – Self Care is Important

Self care starts with the little things we do for ourselves each day. It is not to be confused with being selfish. The first step towards self care for me was accepting and liking myself and trying to turn off my inner critic. The next step involved taking notice of how my body was feeling because I realised that my body reacted with pain when I wasn’t taking care of myself. Self care will be different for everyone. When your body lets you down then you are not able to support others or yourself.

LESSON 10 – Age Does Not Define YOU

Being a year older does not have to mean you are old. Being old is a state of mind, yes changes happen to our body but that is so for everyone. The only alternative to having another birthday is death and that is not an option I want.  I want  this decade to be one of strength, style, surprises and celebrations.

Age is out of your control.

How you handle it though, is in your hands.”

Diane von Furstenburg


What Do You Think of Yourself?


What do you think of yourself?


I have two questions for you.

Question 1: Does the shape, weight and size of your friends change how you feel about them?

You have probably answered, ‘No, of course not.’

Question 2: Does your own shape, weight and size stop you from feeling, positive, loving and kind to yourself?

You may have answered, ‘Yes.’

Most woman are critical of their own body and focus on their perceived faults. The reality is that there is no such thing as a perfect body. The female image we see in media images have been altered through medical treatments or digitally enhanced. I am going to repeat myself – there is no such thing as the perfect body. We are all unique and comparing ourselves to others is a pointless exercise that undermines our potential and well being.

Who you are today is what is real. It is time to start accepting, valuing and respecting your NOW BODY- lumps and bumps, cellulilte, weight and wrinkles do not determine the person you are. Just ask your friends. Start to see yourself the way others see you. The reality is that what you see as body faults and flaws others do not even notice. 

It is time to shift your focus and make a difference by gifting yourself kindness and positive thoughts about yourself and your body. Positive thoughts and beliefs can make us stronger, more confident and happier. This is what you would want for a loved one or friend, why not for yourself. Start to see your own self worth.

Making any sort of change can be difficult but it is not impossible. How we think, feel and talk to ourselves influences our inner confidence, self image, relationships, reactions, actions, happiness and dreams.

We all have an inner critic that loves to sow doubt. Take time throughout your busy day to notice  what your inner critic voice is saying. When you become aware of how this voice inside your head sets out to be critical make an attempt to shut it down. I have an imaginary STOP sign that pops up when I hear my inner critic and that has helped me silence that voice that I have allowed to sabotage my thoughts about myself.



You’ll never find something to wear that makes you feel

beautiful, smart, or loved if you don’t believe that you already are.


You are important


How you look is important but how you feel about yourself, your look and your body is crucial to your overall well being and happiness. You are many things to many people. Other people see your beauty and appreciate the person  you are. You are important to others so be important to yourself.

There are many ways to define ourselves and most people define themselves by comparing themselves with others and focusing on negative qualities. Comparing ourselves to others is both very self limiting and destructive behaviour. Why is it so much easier to accept, believe and care about others but not ourselves? Everyone deserves  to feel good about themselves.

Take some time to push away those negative thoughts and comparisons and notice the person you really are.

Take steps every day to adapt your own thinking towards more positive thoughts. Negative thoughts and emotions  drain your energies, self worth and personal power. Our thoughts and beliefs strongly influence our actions and feelings so take the time to listen to your inner voice and become aware of whether your are placing yourself in a negative or positive direction. Life flows much better when your head space is positive.


A good friend is kind, accepting, supportive and encouraging.  Take these steps to becoming your own best friend.

  • THINK about the words or thoughts you use to describe yourself? Are these positive or negative? What would you say to a friend if they described themselves in a negative way?
  • SMILE at yourself in the mirror each morning. This sounds ridiculous I know but just try it. It is very difficult to hold on to a negative thought when you are smiling and smiles make you sparkle and glow.
  • DON”T BELIEVE your inner critic. You can change old habits and start new ones. It just takes time and practise. Remember YOU ARE IMPORTANT.
  • GIFT yourself  at least 1 compliment everyday. Each day think of something positive to say to yourself. Remember to think and notice the positives. Start anywhere – hair, eyes, fingers, toes, neck, legs, smile etc.
  • ASK a friend  what they see as your positive aspects and believe them.
  • KNOW that what think of as a flaw other people don’t even notice so don’t bring it to there attention.
  • ACCEPT compliments with a smile and a thank you.
  • STOP comparing yourself to other people or images. The reality is that there is no such thing as a perfect body.
  • KNOW how to dress to enhance or hide those parts of your body that you would prefer not to be noticed.
  • REMEMBER to give yourself this advice – ACCEPT, BELIEVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU because YOU ARE IMPORTANT

I strongly believe that to contribute to anyone else’s life you have to feel good about yourself first. This lets you give more in a positive way without draining your own energy.




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