Confident Style – Your Way Every Day

Archive for the ‘Well Being’ Category

What Self Care Looks Like for Me

What self care looks like for me

 

WHAT SELF CARE LOOKS LIKE FOR ME

Self Care is a concept that has been around for a while and will be different for each individual. It has taken some time to grasp what it means for me. It is not about anybody else but is entirely self focussed and involves:-
– Accepting who you are.
– Believing in yourself.
– Caring about yourself.

My approach to self care focusses on both internal and external processes and activities.  It is  all about how I am being each day and realising how my thoughts and expectations may be  influencing and affecting my actions and reactions.

This is the what and how my internal self care process over the last year:-

  • Being a friend to myself – a friend is kind, accepting, supportive, encouraging, helpful and uplighting.
  • Finding ways to quieten and shut down my inner critic monster who wants to put me down, tell me I am not good enough or you can’t do that and  compare me with others. Did you know that the person you hear from or talk to most each day is yourself? No matter how much other people mention your positive attributes you still tend to believe that inner critic monster who just wants to derail you with irrational thoughts.
  • Creating a new habit – A year ago I planted a great big red STOP SIGN inside my head in an attempt to derail my negative thoughts and messages. Every time that voice tried to interfere my STOP SIGN would pop up and push it aside. Over time this has worked for me and I have been quite surprised at how much power I was giving away to something that only existed inside my head. However on days when I am feeling tired or overwhelmed that inner critic tries to rear it’s ugly head.
  • There is no such thing as perfection. I think that perfection is great friends with our inner critic and wants us to feel we are never good enough because  we don’t look a certain way, have a big house, an expensive car or travel the world. Once again comparison becomes the enemy and places us in a negative space if we let it.
  • Looking for the magic moments in my day.
  • Checking in with myself regularly to recognise how my thoughts and actions are helping or hindering my day and reframing if I  need to.
  • Gifting myself and others with a compliment each day.

My external self care process involves doing activities that I enjoy and make me feel whole. These activitie include:-

  • being in my garden
  • reading each night before sleeping
  • taking the time for a long soak in the bath with lots of bubbles (maybe once a month)
  • doing a creative activity such as collaging, knitting, sewing, gardening
  • catching up with friends
  • going on a date with my husband
  • pilates class once a week and home program three times a week

All these activities involve people or involve creating and keep my tank full. These activities need to be scheduled into my monthly diary.

For me it is about looking out for myself and valuing me as a person

To contribute to anyone else’s life you need to feel good about your self. This let’s you give more in a positive way without draining your own energy.

What is your version of self care?

 

Lessons from the Last Decade

Ten Lessons from the Last Decade

 

WHAT HAVE BEEN MY TEN LESSONS FROM THE LAST DECADE 

June is my birthday month and I have celebrated turning 60 and feel very privileged to be moving into the next decade of my life. It has been a great adventure and time of reflection for me. I realise that the last ten years have involved much change for me both personally and professionally. Moving into the next decade of my life has prompted me to look back at what :-

  • has changed for me
  • is different for me and
  • what lessons I have learnt.

These are my ten life lessons from the last decade:-

LESSON 1 –  Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Just over ten years ago I stepped out of my comfort zone and resigned from a much loved 26 year teaching career. I had no idea what I was going to do next and while this felt right for me it certainly was scary. There was much self doubt about what I could and would do next. I tried very hard to let myself believe that something would come up and let myself be open to the thought of new and different opportunites.

What happened next was a complete surprise. I applied for a job as a Kitchen Designer and thought I had nothing to lose, at the very least I might get some interview practice. Well I walked out of the interview in a state of shock and fear – I got the job and believed I had no skills in this area. Many sleepless nights followed because of my self doubts and feelings of not being good enough. Yes it certainly was a steep learning curve and challenging for me but I came to realise that my teaching career had given me many skills that I had not realised were transferable to different situations. Doubting your own capabilities only limits your possibilities.

Career wise I was not finished stepping out of my comfort zone. I also decided to undertake study in Personal Styling and Image Consultancy which led me to make the terrifying decision to start my own business. This has been the most terrifying, challenging and wonderful experience. and I am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and let myself be open to new challenges.

 LESSON 2 – Permission to Say No Without Guilt

I use to chase my tail most of the time with an overcrowded work, social and family commitments. I couldn’t say no and was always juggling my calendar to fit everything in. I think I didn’t want to miss out on anything and thought that if I said no I wouldn’t be asked again. Yes, I realise now not saying no had a lot to do with my own self worth. This approach left very little time for me to think about myself, perhaps I was just trying to avoid this.

Now that has changed. I realised that I was not super human (oh no) and running myself into the ground. This was not a very healthy and productive way to live. I can now say no without guilt and I am stronger in both mind and body because of this. My schedule now allows for ‘me’ time.

LESSON 3 – Accept and Believe in Yourself

I was not always a friend to myself. My self doubts were crippling me. I always thought I had a positive approach to life but neglected to realise that my internal voice was always one of self doubt and saboutage. No matter how positive I was on the outside my inner self was always doubting and beating me up. Developing a sense of self worth and  self acceptance started to happen after I did my Personal Styling and Image Consultancy training. I now was working from an inside out approach and truly looking at who I really was. I could never have imagined the imapct of this. Over the last five years I have developed a much stronger internal platform to face what life throws at me because I value, accept and believe in myself. I really like the person that I am.

LESSON 4 – You Can’t be Everything to Everyone

What a lesson this was. I have always been someone who wanted to be there for others but the problem was I wanted to be able to fix everything for them. That is not possible. You can be there to support, help and guide others but you cannot fix their problems.

LESSON 5 – I Know My WHY

Why do we do the things we do? This is a big question that is not easy to answer while we are busy living day to day. When I was starting my Individually You I was asked the question ‘What is Your Why,’ I didn’t have an answer. It took much reflection, time and energy for me to realise that my WHY was to make a difference. I want to make a difference every day to myself and everyone that I meet. I want to give people a reson to smile  feel good about themselves. Realising this has had a positive impact on my internal thoughts and external behaviours in my personal and professional life. It kept me accountable to being true to the person I wanted to be. Thank you Shar Moore  for asking me this question.

LESSON 6 – Connecting with Others is Important for Me

Working from home made me realise how much I enjoyed and needed to be with people. When I first started to work from home it took me a while to realise that my energy levels, productivity and feelings of motivation were decreasing when I wasn’t interacting with others. I enjoy and need to be around others to feel balanced so now make time and plan for this.

LESSON 7 – My Emotions and Thoughts and Actions have a Strong Impact on My Overall Wellbeing

Why did it take me soooo long to realise this? To be physically and emotionally strong relates very much to my own sense of self belief, self acceptance and self care. When I carried around and supported my negative emotions and thoughts I created so much unneeded tension within my body. This created physical pain and illness. Now that my internal thoughts and feelings are stronger I am not as reactive and approach most days in a positive frame of mind. I am not sweating the little stuff.

LESSON 8 – Just Do It Now

Procrastination is an energy drain. Quite often I would delay doing some tasks. These were usually small tasks that really wouldn’t take long to do or tasks that I didn’t like doing. These tasks would pile up and annoy me. Sometimes it was simply moving something from one area of the house to where it actually belonged or filling out a form – (don’t like paperwork).

I made a conscious decision to adopt a DO IT NOW approach towards these tasks. When I would see something that was annoying me such as the folded washing still sitting on the lounge or the hand basin needing a clean a voice in my head now yells JUST DO IT NOW and you will feel better. This has worked for me. I also try to start my work day doing a task that I don’t like so at least I feel good about making progress instead of feeling guilty and having this task hanging over my head.

LESSON 9 – Self Care is Important

Self care starts with the little things we do for ourselves each day. It is not to be confused with being selfish. The first step towards self care for me was accepting and liking myself and trying to turn off my inner critic. The next step involved taking notice of how my body was feeling because I realised that my body reacted with pain when I wasn’t taking care of myself. Self care will be different for everyone. When your body lets you down then you are not able to support others or yourself.

LESSON 10 – Age Does Not Define YOU

Being a year older does not have to mean you are old. Being old is a state of mind, yes changes happen to our body but that is so for everyone. The only alternative to having another birthday is death and that is not an option I want.  I want  this decade to be one of strength, style, surprises and celebrations.

Age is out of your control.

How you handle it though, is in your hands.”

Diane von Furstenburg

 

What Do You Think of Yourself?

 

What do you think of yourself?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF?

I have two questions for you.

Question 1: Does the shape, weight and size of your friends change how you feel about them?

You have probably answered, ‘No, of course not.’

Question 2: Does your own shape, weight and size stop you from feeling, positive, loving and kind to yourself?

You may have answered, ‘Yes.’

Most woman are critical of their own body and focus on their perceived faults. The reality is that there is no such thing as a perfect body. The female image we see in media images have been altered through medical treatments or digitally enhanced. I am going to repeat myself – there is no such thing as the perfect body. We are all unique and comparing ourselves to others is a pointless exercise that undermines our potential and well being.

Who you are today is what is real. It is time to start accepting, valuing and respecting your NOW BODY- lumps and bumps, cellulilte, weight and wrinkles do not determine the person you are. Just ask your friends. Start to see yourself the way others see you. The reality is that what you see as body faults and flaws others do not even notice. 

It is time to shift your focus and make a difference by gifting yourself kindness and positive thoughts about yourself and your body. Positive thoughts and beliefs can make us stronger, more confident and happier. This is what you would want for a loved one or friend, why not for yourself. Start to see your own self worth.

Making any sort of change can be difficult but it is not impossible. How we think, feel and talk to ourselves influences our inner confidence, self image, relationships, reactions, actions, happiness and dreams.

We all have an inner critic that loves to sow doubt. Take time throughout your busy day to notice  what your inner critic voice is saying. When you become aware of how this voice inside your head sets out to be critical make an attempt to shut it down. I have an imaginary STOP sign that pops up when I hear my inner critic and that has helped me silence that voice that I have allowed to sabotage my thoughts about myself.

 

BE A FRIEND TO YOURSELF

You’ll never find something to wear that makes you feel

beautiful, smart, or loved if you don’t believe that you already are.

project333.com

How Can a Personal Stylist Help You?

How Can A Personal Stylist Help You?

 

HOW CAN A PERSONAL STYLIST HELP YOU?

I often get asked ‘What does a Personal Stylist do’? Many people are unaware of what a Personal Stylist actually does. They think a Personal Stylist is only for celebrities and just takes you shopping. This is definitely not the case.

A Personal Stylist can add much value and contribute positively to how you feel everyday. The reasons women seek out the assistance of a Personal Stylist include:-

  •  tired of spending money on clothing they do not wear,
  •  hate clothes shopping,
  • unsure what clothing suits them,
  • wear the same clothes on rotation and feel bored and frustrated,
  • have many clothes in the wardrobe but still can’t find anything to wear,
  • struggle to make outfits with the clothing in their wardrobe,
  • don’t know what is appropriate dress for certain situations,
  • have a wardrobe that is dated and not current,
  • not happy with the way they look,
  • tired of wasting money on clothes they don’t wear,
  • want assistance to declutter their wardrobe and discover what they have,
  • discover the colours that work best for them and always makes them look healthy and radiant,
  • have many clothes in their wardrobe that fit but when they put them on take them off again and don’t wear them,
  • feel the need to make a positive change with their visual image.

Working with a Personal Stylist  is not about:-

  • fashion and trends,
  • spending lots of money 
  • having a quick make over following rules and looking like everyone else or your favourite celebrity.
How Can a Personal Stylist help You?

Working with A Personal Stylist is about:-
 

  • understanding your uniqueness – the person behind the clothes
  • discovering how the clothes you wear can tell your individual story of who you are,
  • knowing how to dress your physical assets in an enhancing way to highlight your best features,
  • understanding the colours that harmonise with your complexion and how to use colour for dressing to create a focus and impact,
  • maximising the clothes you wear by being able to dress your outfits  up and down for the occasion,
  • creating a wardrobe of clothing that can easily be coordinated in a variety of ways to meet the needs of your lifestyle,
  • gaining greater body confidence and self acceptance,
  • having the knowledge and confidence to style an outfit in many ways for different purposes,
  • shopping with purpose because you know what’s in your wardrobe and know what you need to fill the gaps,
  • being able to get dressed each day with less frustration and wardrobe melt downs,
  • self care.                                                             
A Personal Stylist can give you
CONFIDENT STYLE – EVERY DAY YOUR WAY
 
 

Four Life Lessons to Move Forward in 2018

Four Life Lessons to Move Forward in 2018

What Does Starting a New Year Mean?

For me the new year is not about new beginnings. It is about continuing to grow and learn from the life lessons and experiences of the previous year. I like to think about how I am going to approach and move forward so that I have positive change in my thoughts, beliefs, actions, experiences, success and happiness.

Looking back is sometimes the way to move forward.  The three words I would use to describe 2017 would be:-

  • challenging – physically, emotionally and mentally I lost my way and came to a complete stop because I didn’t have the mental or physical capacity to do anything. Feeling this out of control with my life was scary and I came to a complete standstill.
  • unexpected – I didn’t see this coming. I was in denial about how I was feeling and had ignored many warning signs over a period of time. Accepting and admitting out loud to another person that I wasn’t coping was the first step towards regaining myself and my  life.
  • self focussed – I needed to step aside to give myself the time and space to focus on my own well being and healing. Making the decision to step aside and consider stopping my business was so very hard but essential to my future well being. I have mostly thought of myself as being invincible and able to bounce back quickly.

2017 wasn’t the year that I had planned but it was a year that I gave back to myself and learnt some very valuable lessons to take with me into the future.

Lesson 1 – Recognise My Vulnerability

  • I can’t fix everyone’s problems but I can be there to support and help when needed.
  • My emotional state impacts greatly on my back which then results in pain and not being able to function at the level I want.
  • It is not possible to do everything all of the time – need to be more realistic.

Lesson 2 – What is Important to Me?

  • Making a difference to myself and others life – personal and business.
  • Planning time to be with friends and family.
  • Being creative – gardening, collaging, sewing, styling, playing piano and flute.
  • Continuing with my business.

Lesson 3 – What Does Self Care Look Like for Me

  • My body needs to be taken care of differently to continue functioning as I move into my 60th year.
  • Plan exercise – walking, pilates, bike riding into my week. (Remember you want to do a Great Ocean Walk next year.)
  • Making personal appointments when needed and not putting them off – (hairdresser, beautician, physio, blood tests etc.)
  • Play dates with my husband, family and friends.
  • Panning and taking me time for creative play.
  • Being in contact with others.

Lesson 4 – Giving Myself Permission to Say No

  • I have realised that it is okay to say no and not feel guilty to invitations and events when the timing, energy or inclination isn’t there. This one is a big one and relates closely to my continued self care.

2018 – WORD FOCUS

A year equals 365 opportunities so I like to choose a word that will guide me towards making decisions, positive and conscious changes and establishing beliefs and actions that contribute to a successful year that is packed with laughter, love, fun, happiness and success.

My word for 2018 is EMPOWERMENT.

As you move forward into 2018 take this message with you.

Four Life Lessons to Move Forward in 2018

You may like to read more about Choosing a Focus word:-

Creating Positive Change 2017

Where Am I Going 2016?

Which Direction are You Going?

 

 

 

 

 

 

CREATING POSITIVE CHANGE 2017

Creating Positive Change 2017 Individually You

CREATING POSITIVE CHANGE 2017

How are you creating positive change 2017?
The beginning of each year is a great time to reflect on the year that was. This gives the opportunity to look towards positive change in all aspects of your life. Making New Year Resolutions has never worked for me. The emphasis seemed to be on making lists which  focussed on small elements of my life. This didn’t result in any new behaviours in my thoughts, actions, beliefs and directions. I love this definition of New Year Resolutions  – New Year Resolutions are a to do list for the first week of January.

WHAT I DO TO CREATE POSITIVE CHANGE

For the last six years I have focused on choosing a word (sometimes called a POWER word, FOCUS word or LIGHTHOUSE word). The word I choose will be guiding and supporting me in moving forward so I like to call it my LIGHTHOUSE word. This is my approach to creating positive change each year.

The LIGHTHOUSE words I have chosen over the last six years are:-

2012     CELEBRATE
2013     DECLUTTER
2014     IMPOSSIBLE (translated I’m Possible)
2015     BALANCE & MOMENTUM
2016     FOCUS

LIGHTHOUSE word for 2017 is QUESTIONS.

Getting caught up in the busyness of doing life can sometimes mean loosing sight of what is important to us. When this happens we are just doing and not being. This is what happened to me in 2017.

As a result of being busy and caught up the health of my back suffered badly. Coming to a complete stop for eight weeks was not in my plans. Changing how I do everything in life is important if I am to be happy and healthy. The realisation that my body does not recover in the same way as it use to is a rude awakening.

Asking QUESTIONS will be my lens to determine how I am doing and what I am letting into my life.

QUESTIONS I WILL BE ASKING

  • What is important to me at this time?
  • Will this still be important to me in a year’s time? (Great question for when I start to stress and worry about things).
  • What tasks / activities will have the biggest impact on reaching my goals? (self care, health, family, social, business)
  • Are my expectations of myself at this time realistic?
  • What am I spending time on?
  • How do I want to be and feel?
  • What am I not spending time on?
  • How am I feeling? (ongoing monitoring)

These questions will become the benchmark for creating positive change in 2017. They will guide me to gain more clarity, energy, focus and balance in all areas of my life.

HOW WILL YOU BE CREATING POSITIVE CHANGE IN 2017?

What’s Age Got to Do with It?

 What's Age got to do with it?

WHAT’S AGE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Two questions for you to consider?

  • Do you let your age define who and what you are?
  • What’s age have to with it? The It I am referring to is life.

The other day I was out with some friends and the conversation turned to birthdays. It was interesting to listen to the different viewpoints and feelings about getting older.

Some of us embraced it while others expressed very negative thoughts. Getting older was liberating and empowering for some while others viewed it as limiting and felt old just because their birthday number had increased.

REFELCTIONS ON WHAT’S AGE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

This made me reflect on where I was in my life, how I felt and what’s age got to do with it.

  • I am well and truly  in my 50’s and love where I am, who I am, what I am doing and where I may be headed even with my greying hair and my body’s wobbly, drooping bits.
  • My age is not hindering or limiting what I choose to do. I remember once thinking that being 50+ plus was old – it isn’t now that I am in this space.
  • Getting older and all that goes with it is part of living and I am grateful that I have the opportunity to enjoy each new day.  A higher birthday number doesn’t mean you are OLD. I feel privileged that I am able to approach each year with enthusiasm as many people don’t get the chance to live as long as they might wish to.
  • I really do not want to time travel back to my 20’s, 30’s or 40’s. Nor do I wish that I knew then what I know now. If I knew then what I know now I would not have had the same experiences, made the same choices (good and bad) and followed the path to where I am now.
  • Regrets do not enter into my life as everything that I have done before today has made me  who I am. At this point in my life I have more self awareness, acceptance, confidence and appreciation of myself and my body and that is so empowering and liberating. About 10 years ago I made a choice to leave my 26 years of teaching behind me and embark on new directions which led me to becoming a Kitchen Designer & Personal Stylist & Image Consultant.
  • Believing in myself and valuing the person that I am gives me the strength and determination to live the life that I have. Making a difference every day is what I choose to do.

Life has a lot to offer, we just have to be willing to take up the opportunities, fall down and get back up and keep going so why not take a positive and happy approach to it all. Yes, not everything about life happens the way we would like it to but it is how we act, react and think that can make a difference to ourselves and others.

After coming home from lunch the other day I read this article “Why 50 is Definitely Not the New 30”.

Have a read and see what you think.

Age is a number

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